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Thursday, July 29, 2010

ANXIETY
There is a lot of things I could post about... but anxiety seems to have taken over my life, possessing me into a person I never thought I was or could be. I'm writing this, not only so that you will understand my erratic posts, but also so that maybe you will forgive me for any way I have let you down in the last week... or month... or year. Just please give me some grace by thinking that that was not the "real" me. And if it WAS, in fact, the "real" me, please pray that I can somehow return back into the fake me- because the other me was way more functional, happy, stress free, better wife and mother. There is a chain of gears that have come off of its track on my bike, but I'm still trying to peddle.

I just reread this post and realized its one of those blogs posts that I HATE. I hate general posts that give no real information. Example of a terribly vague post:

"Hi peoples! As you might already know, there is a lot of stuff going on in my life right now. It's pretty important stuff that really has to be dealt with, and it involves a lot of important people- you guys know who you are. I'd just like a lot of prayer and support during this difficult period that could last for quite some time. Pray that the doctors will have wisdom and the this friend would make the right decision as it will be effecting both her and I as well as many other people for probably the rest of our lives. I can't really tell you the details, but I think you get the gist of it."
OK.... so my interpretation of this...
  • "A lot of stuff going on"? You're getting a divorce.
  • "It's pretty important stuff"? This must involve the cops or FBI then, at the very least, lawyers.
  • "It involves a lot of people"? Mafia.
  • "Prayer and support for difficult period"? Yeah, all women deal with that "period" once a month...
  • "could last for quite some time"? 5-7 days may SEEM like forever, but really it isn't, so buck up and deal.
  • "Pray that the doctors have wisdom"? Fatal disease, cancer, heart attack.
  • "Friend making the right decision"? Abortion.
  • "I really can't tell you the gist of it but you get the gist...." yeah I get the gist! You're an overly dramatic attention hungry blogger who wants me to feel left out of your super juicy secrets!!! That's what I get! If the information is too sensitive to blog about... then DON'T blog about it!!!
PHew... anyways... I don't really have any specific juicy information about why I am dealing with a lot of intense anxiety... it could be a combination of things: a hurtful (and backstabbing) separation from our former church family, Matt and I interacting differently than we used to, having the kids home for the summer, a sudden concentration of demands from our family, not being able to paint for virtually the entire summer while the kids are out of school.... that's all I can think of right now... oh wait... I forgot about dishes and laundry and mopping- which I've decided I will cross off the list because it really isn't necessary- especially if you where shoes inside the house.

OK, now Matt is having anxiety about what I might be publicly saying about my anxiety. Now I am having anxiety about his anxiety about my anxiety. But I just got a new tattoo which I think will bring about an improvement in this anxious situation. Tattoos have been know to do that. I'll show you a pic later. Actually, just typing this out was therapeutic and soothing to my soul... perhaps I should do it more often.

7 comments:

Daphne said...

Oh, Naomi, Naomi, Naomi....
I know the anxiety. Oh how it has been my companion for a long long time. I have been on an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety med for about 9 months and in therapy for just as long. They help, sometimes. Anxiety is a pain in the but to overcome. And a long path (I am nowhere near the end). Hilarious post. I feel the exact same way about the vague posts.

Seriously, come take a break from your own anxiety for an afternoon or evening and sit on my patio and drink margaritas and commiserate with me about how anxiety ruins us.

Mary Beth said...

I am so sorry about your traumatic split from your church... I have been there. The people who should know you the best, understand your heart, and always be there for you are the ones that can hurt you the most. For some reason our churches seem to be breeding grounds for all kinds of heart aches instead of the healing places they should be. Of course, the problem isn't with God, but with the all too human people. Some-one told me once that I should lower my expectations and then I wouldn't get so hurt... they were probably right, but it is hard to find the right balance between not expecting too much and expecting too little. The natural thing for me to do when hurt is to pull farther into myself and build walls or try to become something I am not to please others. I pray that you will stay true to the person that God made you to be and find resolution to your hurts.

The Shoup Family said...

Sorry about the anxiety. That is not a fun road to travel! I had post-partum anxiety with Riley and know how horrible, isolating, and "I feel like I am losing my mind" it can feel. I would not wish that on anyone! I hope that it's a short period for you!!

Holly said...

no. you're not alone.
yes. write about it more.
(not for us, for you)

Cassie said...

yes...you should do it more often!

Catherine at Frugal Homemaker Plus said...

Lexapro changed my life in ways I never imagined possible. No shame.

I hope you feel better soon!

Colleen said...

I love the real you and though you're not laughing at the moment- I am. Thanks!